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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.

So smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying. I smoke because it's bad, it's really simple.

When I was a boy, it never occurred to me that one day I might participate at the birthday of a German Chancellor. But that was before I knew that smoking four packs of cigarettes and consuming ten Coca-Colas a day guaranteed longevity.

Christian: "What else is against the rules?"
Nadia: "Drinking, smoking, doing drugs..."
Christian: "...so basically all the fun stuff."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I never diet. I smoke. I drink now and then. I never work out.

Tobacco not only wrecks health and health systems; it’s a drain on economies and the environment.

There are enough no smoking places now.

Smoking calms me down. It's enjoyable. I don't want politicians deciding what is exciting in my life.

It takes a lot of dedication to quit smoking, and whether you give up for good on your first try or have to give it a couple of tries - just keep swinging at it and you will succeed.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of all statistics.

Barney: "I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: Post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and of course - wait for it - 'cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares."
Ted: "Why are you smoking right now?"
Barney: "I'm always pre-coital, Ted."