Quotes by Woody Allen

Quotes by Woody Allen


Quote by Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply', but not in those words.

Quote by Woody Allen

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

Quote by Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Quote by Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

Quote by Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Quote by Woody Allen

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Quote by Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Quote by Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Quote by Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Quote by Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Quote by Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Quote by Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Quote by Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Quote by Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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Quote by Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving.

Quote by Woody Allen

Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Quote by Woody Allen

Can we actually 'know' the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

Quote by Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

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