Quotes by Barney Stinson (Page 5)
Quotes 81-100 of 196
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Quotes by Barney Stinson



Barney Stinson is one of the five main characters from the tv-series How I Met Your Mother and well-known for his legendary quotes. Barney Stinson is acted by Neil Patrick Harris, who was awarded several prizes for the role.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 15 (Series quote)

Too many crazies had my old number, so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. I'll use one for a while, have my fun, then dump it and get a new one. And then I'll do the same with my phone.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 15 (Series quote)

Zoey: 'Don't worry Ted, she's cute.'
Barney: ''Cute' means 'fat'!'
Zoey: 'She's not fat.'
Barney: ''Not fat' means 'ugly'.'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 14 (Series quote)

Judy: 'Who got Cousin Daphne drunk? She is 15 years old.'
Robin: 'Whoa, they grow big out here.'
Barney: 'And here's your phone number back.'
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 13 (Series quote)

Lily: 'How did you do it?'
Barney: 'Oh God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one! Wait, which one did you find?'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 10 (Series quote)

Ted: 'Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard.'
Barney: 'Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas.'
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 6 (Series quote)

Hey, want to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string, you got the cans.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 4 (Series quote)

That girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless... anyone have a condom?
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact, that sex just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 2 (Series quote)

There's something that I need to ask you and I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top?
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, but it's all downhill from here.
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 1 (Series quote)

What you're doing right now. I'm getting a de-rection!

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Barney: 'You have no reason to be nervous. And I'm going to tell you why in one word.'
Ted: 'And what's that word?'
Barney: 'Dibs!'
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 5 (Series quote)

So you're the therapist. You know it's one thing to pretend to be a shrink and bang your patients, that's normal. But to do it for real? Little creepy bro.
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 23 (Series quote)

There is only one street where that is normal. Here's a hint: A giant yellow bird lives on it.
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 22 (Series quote)

Fine, you guys can have a baby, but only under these conditions:
1) You promise to always love me more than the baby.
2) Once a month, I get to use the baby to pick up chicks.
3) That may involve the baby falling from a two-story window and me heroically catching it.
4) No breast-feeding in front of me.
5) Forget about 4), you can whip 'em out whenever you want.
2

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 20 (Series quote)

Ted: 'I made a bid online, I won the auction the next day and I got approval. I just finalized the paperwork.'
Barney: 'And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with, or did she haggle over the closing costs?'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 13 (Series quote)

Barney: 'I had a drinking game based on Robin. But it was actually ON Robin: I'd pour peach schnapps in her belly button...'
Ted: 'Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this.'
Barney: 'Sorry. You're right. She didn't like it anyway. Said it woke her up.'
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 4 (Series quote)

For some women it was the ashes of my parents. For others it was the trophy from Wimbledon and believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. Game, enormous set and match!
1

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 5 (Series quote)

Not only are you wrong... but you are belligerently sticking to your guns and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky, you are an American.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3 (Series quote)

I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby.
That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby.
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Quotes 81-100 of 196
1| .. | 3|4| 5 |6|7| .. | 10

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