Quotes by Charlie Harper (Page 2)
Quotes 21-30 of 30
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Quotes by Charlie Harper


Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 6 Episode 18 (Series quote)

Jake: 'It means 'sexually transmitted disease'.'
Charlie: 'I know what STD's are!'
Alan: 'Your uncle helped invent them.'
Jake: 'You know, they can be prevented by using a condom.'
Charlie: 'I know we could have prevented you by using a condom. Now we gotta use a hammer.'
Jake: 'I don't understand.'
Charlie: 'Go get me a hammer, and I'll show you.'
Jake: 'Okay.' [walks out]
Charlie: 'You must be so proud.'
Jake: 'Ballpeen or claw hammer?'
Alan: 'Do me a favour. When he comes back, just do it.'
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Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 6 Episode 13 (Series quote)

Alan: 'I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me.'
Charlie: 'Wow, I lost 8000 dollar playing poker, I have no idea where my car is, threw up in my mouth three times, and I'm still having a better night than you are.'

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 3 Episode 22 (Series quote)

That 'Uhm...' is the battle cry of the chronic masturbator.
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Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 2 Episode 8 (Series quote)

She knows what she's talking about, Alan. Mom's been on more hotel pillows than a chocolate mint.

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 2 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Well, I want it on the record that if the kid was running a blackjack game under the bleachers, he didn't necessarily get the idea from me.

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Charlie: 'How did you get in my house?'
Alan: 'Okay, Charlie, the key in the fake rock only works if it's among other rocks, not sitting on your welcome mat!'
Charlie: 'Excuse me, but if you put the fake rock in with a bunch of other rocks, it's impossible to find when you're drunk.'
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Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 6 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 6 Episode 3 (Series quote)

You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... you guys look at me and you think it's easy.
2

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 4 Episode 22 (Series quote)

Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there?
3

Quote by Charlie Harper from Two and a half Men in Season 3 Episode 9 (Series quote)

Why are you dating a woman who most likely lost her virginity during World War II? And knowing her, probably not to one of our guys.
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Quotes 21-30 of 30
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