Quotes by Eric Cartman (South Park)
Quotes 1-20 of 24
1 |2

Quotes by Eric Cartman (South Park)


Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 14 Episode 10 (Series quote)

When a chick says we need to talk, you might as well start punching yourself in the balls, dude.
3

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 14 Episode 4 (Series quote)

[Playing Chatroulette with Kyle] This is the way the world works, if you want to find some quality friends you have to wade through all the dicks fist.

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 14 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Is that something I'd want to do? Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 15 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at? Tell him, Kyle!
6

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season Season 13 Episode 11 (Series quote)

Stan: 'Dude,it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima, it was the...'
Cartman: 'Dude, they won't rest until whoever is responsible is completely wiped out!'
1

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 13 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman.
4

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 12 Episode 13 (Series quote)

Cartman: 'Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on.'
Stan: 'You didn't die?'
Cartman: 'Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick anymore.'
2

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 11 Episode 4 (Series quote)

Terrorist: 'America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know? Who is America's oldest enemy?'
Cartman: 'The Russians?'
Terrorist: 'Before that!'
Cartman: 'The Germans?'
Terrorist: 'Before that.'
Cartman: 'The Germans again?'
4

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 9 Episode 11 (Series quote)

The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!
2

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 6 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Cartman: 'Have you seen this trick? When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water, and when you put their hand in it...'
Stan: 'And then what?'
Cartman: '...and then you pee on them!'
Kyle: 'No, dude! You're supposed to put their hand in warm water to make THEM pee!'
Cartman: 'Really? Oh well.'
4

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 6 Episode 1 (Series quote)

I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!
3

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 7 Episode 11 (Series quote)

Stan: 'Dude, I wonder where Kyle is.'
Cartman: 'Maybe he caught a disease and died, that'd be so awesome.'
Stan: 'Dude that's not funny, you shouldn't joke about that.'
Cartman: 'Who's joking?'
3

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 5 Episode 2 (Series quote)

What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?
4

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 5 Episode 1 (Series quote)

But, years from now, when you're old and have children of your own, what would you give to come back and fight this one day? This one day, where you could have made a difference. Where you could've told Scott Tenorman: 'You may take our pride, but you will never take my god damn $16.12!'
3

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 4 Episode 9 (Series quote)

Stan: 'Dude, we don't have any musical talent.'
Cartman: 'That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, dumbass!'
1

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 3 Episode 17 (Series quote)

We're trying to find the Brown Noise, it's this one pitch, this certain frequency, that makes people loose bowel control.
1

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 2 Episode 8 (Series quote)

If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack, and blow your balls all over your pants!
2

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 1 Episode 11 (Series quote)

Stan: 'What the hell are you doing?'
Cartman: 'My mom said lesbians lick carpet.'
1

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 1 Episode 9 (Series quote)

Cartman: 'I sneaked around my mom's closet and saw what I'm getting: the Ultra Vibe Pleasure 2000.'
Stan: 'What's that?'
Cartman: 'I don't know, but it sounds sweet.'
3

Quote by Eric Cartman from South Park in Season 1 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Stan: 'Dolphins are intelligent and friendly!'
Cartman: 'Intelligent and friendly on rye bread.'
Stan: 'Dolphins are smarter than you!'
Cartman: 'Then why do they live in igloos?'
Stan: 'That's not dolphins, that's Eskimos!'
Cartman: 'Who cares? It's tree-hugging hippie crap.'
Quotes 1-20 of 24
1 |2

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