Quotes by Max Black

Quotes by Max Black


Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Max: 'How old are you gonna be?'
Earl: '75'
Max: 'Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger...'
1

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my vagina.
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 21 (Series quote)

Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 21 (Series quote)

You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts!

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 12 (Series quote)

Han Lee: 'Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude.'
Max: 'There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break.'

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 11 (Series quote)

Han Lee: 'Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?'
Max: 'Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!'
4

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 10 (Series quote)

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 9 (Series quote)

Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 8 (Series quote)

Han Lee: 'Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty.'
Max: 'What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?'

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 7 (Series quote)

Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?
5

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 7 (Series quote)

Caroline: 'I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later.'
Max: 'Well, according to my research most men come sooner.'
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 4 (Series quote)

Han Lee: 'Hipsters like karaoke!'
Max: 'Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history.'
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 4 (Series quote)

Earl: 'Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?'
Max: 'I got you pregnant?'
Earl: 'Come on, bad, bad.'
Max: 'I got you pregnant again?'
3

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Caroline: 'No need to yell, he's a champion.'
Max: 'Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard.'
Caroline: 'That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn.'
Max: 'Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now.'
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Max: 'Hi, ready to order?'
Guest: 'Do you have anything that's really special?'
Max: 'Not according to my high school guidance counselor.'
4

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Caroline: 'What'd you see in that guy, anyway?'
Max: 'He had these muscle thingies.'
Caroline: 'Oh, those things?'
Max: 'Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid.'
2

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack whores. But then he took it over and ruined it.

Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1 (Series quote)

Guest: 'Excuse me, where is my waitress?'
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: 'She's coming.'

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