Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 14)
Quotes 261-280 of 444
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Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)



How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 12 (Series quote)

One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute... well, same thing.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 10 (Series quote)

There's only three things you'll ever see me fight:
The stubborn clasp of a bra.
Sexual harassment charges - nine for nine!
And the urge to vomit when, I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 9 (Series quote)

Ted: 'Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.'
Lily: 'Half the length of the relationship.'
Marshall: 'One week for every month you were together.'
Robin: 'Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes.'
Barney: 'You can't measure something like this in time. There's a series of steps: From her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there.... next!'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 21 (Series quote)

Seriously. Jesus started the whole 'wait three days'-thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, 'Hey Jesus, what up?' and Jesus would probably be like, 'What up? I died yesterday!' and then they'd be all, 'Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude...' and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be like 'Uh okay, whatever you say, bro.'
And he's not gonna come back on a saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' their beards. No, he waits the exact right number of days: three! Plus it's sunday, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there 'Oh no, Jesus is dead', then bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story!
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 7 (Series quote)

You have just become victims of the cheerleader-effect. Glad you asked: The cheerleader-effect is when a group of women seems hot, but only as a group. Just like with cheerleaders. They seem hot, but take each one of them individually? Sled dogs!

Quote by Victoria from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3 (Series quote)

I have let you come wash my dishes. I said my oven needed cleaning, I invited you to a porno!
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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 7 (Series quote)

Lily: 'I am gonna have to walk this earth, knowing Barney has touched my boobs.'
Robin: 'Yeah it stays with ya. His e-mail reminders don't help.'

Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Enjoy your mai-tai, because soon you will be wearing my tie!

Quote by Victoria from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Ted: 'You know what else is getting cleaned, along with that cup-cake tray? My conscience!'
Victoria: 'You got anything else to atone for? My oven needs cleaning.'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3 (Series quote)

Marshall: 'Let the dinnertainment begin!'
Barney: 'That reminds me there's this other restaurant we should try sometime. What they do is, they cook you a meal, in a little room called a 'kitchen'.'

Quote by Stella Zinman from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5 (Series quote)

Ted: 'Robin and I already had our backslide. Last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago.'
Stella: 'Did you place a large bet against yourself?'

Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5 (Series quote)

Kids, morals usually come at the end of stories, but this one is so important, I'm gonna tell you now. Don't ever, ever invite an ex to your wedding.
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5 (Series quote)

Stella's sister: 'I'm a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me, that says eating animals is murder. But I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.'
Ted: 'That's 'cause you need protein. I'll have the lamb.'

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 4 (Series quote)

Every year, there are a million
new, hot 22-year-olds walking into bars
and call me 'glass-half-full'... but I think they're getting dumber.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 4 (Series quote)

Ted, no! You never break up a girl fight! Never!

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 3 (Series quote)

My arm hasn't been this sore, since I was 13 years old and figured out how to lock a bathroom.

Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Marshall: 'The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw. Tucked between a taxidermist and a XXX bookstore.'
Barney: 'Name two places where things get stuffed.'

Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 2 (Series quote)

Robin: 'I just finished a seven-day cleanse.'
Marshall: 'I thought you just started that yesterday.'
Robin: 'I finished early, okay?'
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 18 (Series quote)

Stella: 'Ted, you're staring at my breasts.'
Ted: 'In fairness... they were staring at me.'

Quote by Stella Zinman from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 18 (Series quote)

Ted: 'We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door.'
Stella: 'Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow.'
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Quotes 261-280 of 444
1| .. | 12|13| 14 |15|16| .. | 23

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